What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Randomize
