Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
4 words: hood of his car
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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