I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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