i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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