The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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