So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
