I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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