3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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