This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
