I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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