we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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