Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We have so much sex to catch up on
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
