k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
