I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
