In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
