Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
