she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
