does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Randomize
