don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
