nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
