i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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