A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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