dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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