She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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