so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
