dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
