Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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