Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
