Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
