im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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