Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
