If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
