I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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