The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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