I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
