ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
