the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
