i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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