So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
