i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
