My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
