He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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