You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
