I love black thongs
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
