My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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