around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
porn star boner night. come get it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So apparently I’m into choking now
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