Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
There are leaves in my underwear?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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