what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
