I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
