so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
