I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
