do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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