had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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