Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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