i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I could fuck to npr.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
