I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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