does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
True college students do jello shots in the library
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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