You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
