I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
