just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
