we have pet lesbian snakes
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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