So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
