Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
This is my gift to your gina
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
