My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
