hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
